I Have Gambling and Mental Issues
I gambled away my money and my life. When I feel depressed for not having money, I would end up in a casino. Sometimes I won big, however, most of the time I lost.
I have been doing it for the past 7 years. I am in debt, so I wanted to get out of it, and in my mind gambling would help me do it. I just need one good luck to win a million or two, then all my problems would be solved.
I always hear stories about how other people have won big. It never happened to me. My husband hates me for gambling; that is why I can not tell him how lonely I feel.
We have been married for 27 years. He is well liked by his friends and co-workers, but to me he is not a person I can depend on. He would do anything to help out others but not his family. I consider him selfish and self-centered. He has the need to show off, but he would denied that.
We have separate bank accounts. He pays his bills and I pay mine. I started to gamble just to get a few hundred dollars. Because the more I gambled the more debts I have, so gambling with bigger and larger amounts became my thing. I borrowed from loans and credits to support my habit.
Recently I was making a good return so I kept on gambling with the hope that I could finally be free of debt. A few days ago I ran out of luck and lost all my winnings and more. I got so mad at myself. If I could select a button that said "live" or "die" I would have chosen to die.
I would love to have my pre-gambling life back. Even though I didn't have much money, at the least I was not in high debt. I am searching for help from both my employee
assistance program and my medical plan. I am also going back to GA meetings, but it would be woman GA.
I just hope they do understand my feelings better as an addict, a lonely wife, and a mom. My husband is a good man but does not care about me. He would do his own thing that makes him feel good so he can brag about how good he is. He would be gone for a couple days on a hike and leave me home with my dog. Without my dog I would have gone insane.
I wanted to have more money so I can get out on my own. Being married and lonely is not what I want. It is not sex that I need. I need someone to hug and hold me without sex. I want to be closer to where my daughter is. At the least it should be within an hour or two drive; not 2 days drive.
I am also thinking about quitting my job and cashing out my 401K to pay off my debts. The only thing that's holding me back is my daughter. She needs medical insurance from my work. So I am in search of a new job on top of dealing with my gambling and mental issues.
I am good at my work skill, but a bad mom for gambling our money away. I met a gambler who told me he was in the same situation, and had lost all of his money, and is in debt. Now he makes a lot of money; enough to pay off his credit cards, his cars, and now he's working on paying off his house. Good luck to him.
I am jealous, but I would not try it again. I just want to get my life and finances back in order. Just enough for a happier life. Just enough to love me, and just good enough to be a mother to my daughter.